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Walking a new path

>> Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I am on the cusp on something new.

I don't know what and I don't know how, but I know that a change - it is a comin'. Not something physical, not something materialistic, but something more internal. I've felt for the past six months or so that there is something in store for me. The feeling is like knowing that there's something great waiting for you around the next corner, but for some reason the road you're on keeps getting longer and longer and you just can't reach that turn.

The past few weeks have been two things for me:

1 - extremely difficult: I'm been through a bit of a rough time recently and have hit some "lows" that are pretty uncharacteristic for me. I'm usually a really upbeat, perky kind of person who bounces back from things really quickly, but lately things just seem to be pushing me lower and lower.

2 - the biggest blessing I can remember in the recent past. At 28 years old, I am finally coming to a realization that has been a long time coming. Things that I want in life, things that I want to do, how I want to be as a person - none of that will happen on it's own. No one is going to knock on my door one day and say "Congratulations Suzanne - here is the life you always wanted. Enjoy!" I have to go out and do the work, both external and internal, to become the person I want to be. I have to dedicate myself and my time, because no one else will - no one else can.

In the past several weeks I have asked for "divine intervention" on numerous occasions. Jokingly of course, but there was truth underneath it. I feel like a child in the sense that I want to be told what to do: "You will do this, then do that next week and that next year and then you will find the happiness you search for." How easy, how simple. But if that's the way it was supposed to be, then that's the way it would be. And it's not. Instead you have to make your own heart, your own voice strong enough that even in the darkness times you can hear your voice, you can feel your strength and follow what your heart is telling you to do.

This is a journey I am on. As I stated at the beginning of this post - I am on the cusp of something new. I can feel that things are different now. All the times in my past where I've had an inkling of "Am I following my passion? Am I the woman I always pictured I would be?" These feelings don't even hold a candle up to how I feel now. I feel like everything in my life, everything I've said, everything I've done, has prepared me for this moment in my life. I feel a determination like I've never felt before in my adult life.

I can say with true conviction - Watch out, you ain't seen nothin' yet.


JTCF September 18, 2008 at 11:31 AM  

What an inspiring, moving post. Such a blessing are those moments in life, when everything seems to fall into place; when there is no uncertainty, only confidence that you are at this moment, where you need to be.

Suzanne September 22, 2008 at 4:07 PM  

Thanks Joanna!

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