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Grumble, grumble . . .

>> Friday, July 31, 2009

I'm in a bad mood today. I think I got mild food poisoning yesterday and was up all night feeling like crap. Today was better, but not by much. On top of that I feel really pms-y today and had some customers at work who I honestly just wanted to hit. Add to that the fact that I've had to be up at 5:30am for that past two days and the next couple of days and I kinda' feel like either crying or yelling at someone.

I think I should invest in kick-boxing classes or something . . .


I'm Back!!

>> Friday, July 24, 2009

I am back from my Muskoka vacation, and I have to say - this was probably the best vacation I have ever had. Usually Chris and I take the kind of vacations where we're doing a lot and going places every day, but this vacay at a cottage in Muskoka for a week just made for a really relaxing and rejuvenating holiday.
We slept in pretty much every day, cooked some great meals, watched movies and read on the days it rained, and hiked, swam, lay on the dock and went out on the seadoo on the nice days. We didn't follow any sort of time-table, just did things when we felt like doing them.

I read a lot, and thought even more. Not about anything in particular - it was like all the things I've been really thinking about and stressing about lately were put on the back burner and just sort of sat there percolating for awhile. Then as the days passed, things and ideas and solutions started becoming clearer and clearer to me. By the time I left I knew that I hadn't been this relaxed, restored, calm and happy about things in quite a while. It's as if I don't feel as restless with myself anymore - I know what I need to do (career-wise) but am also not beating myself up about things anymore and about why I got so off track. I am where I am for a reason and now feel ready and prepared to do the work needed to get where I want to be, but I'm also happy with where I am and don't feel that same self-imposed pressure to get there right away - everything happens at the right time and I'm okay with that.

A big thank-you to the Leighn family for opening up ther beautiful cottage to us for the whole week. It was truly an amazing week and a great time that we'll never forget!!


I'm outta here!!

>> Wednesday, July 15, 2009

That's right - I am officially now on vacation for a whole week (actually 8 whole days which is even better)! My hubby and I are leaving the dog at home (with a most fabulous dog/house sitter) and are heading up to a cottage in Muskoka for a week of relaxing, reading, eating good food and all sorts of outdoor sports/activities. My trusty bike (which I have affectionately named "Lola") is coming with me as I'm hoping to get some good bike time in as well.

I'm going "technology-free" for the whole week - no computer and no cell phone, so I'll be incommunicado for awhile. Hope everyone out there has a great week!


Funny things you overhear at the bookstore . . .

>> Monday, July 13, 2009

I overhead this exact conversation at work today as I was on the escalator (there were two teenage girls behind me):

Girl 1 - "My mom is taking me out to dinner tonight at this fancy restaurant - OMG, it's sooo good there but I'm gonna get soooooo fat. I'm gonna gain like, 10 pounds"

Girl 2 - "OMG, you're sooo not fat - like it would be soo great to be totally skinny though"

Girl 1 - "Oh I know - like, if I was like totally skinny, Joe Jonas would like, totally love me more"

I couldn't hold it in and actually laughed a little - they were like, totally into their conversation though, so like totally didn't hear me.



Back to life, Back to reality . . . Part 2

>> Friday, July 3, 2009

Ahhh work. That which takes up so much of our time and seems to get in the way of our "real lives". My first two days back at work have been . . . interesting. It's always hard to get used to the pace of it again after being off for several days in a row or a week. While it's always nice to be around the books again, the behaviour of some customers just leaves me shaking my head sometimes and wondering "really"? I'm often shocked that people behave certain ways in public and don't seem to have any sort of filter for what comes out of their mouths or how they treat people. It is my job though, and pays the bills so I really shouldn't complain too much.

I do find inspiration in it sometimes - I had a bit of an "aha" moment today. I was walking around the upstairs of the store and got a great idea for a movie script. "Movie script?" you ask - yes indeed, yours truly has decided to get back to her roots and finally fulfill some things that have been on my bucket list for a long, long time. I've made the decision to stop thinking and wondering what I should do with my life and just go ahead and take some first steps. I won't start at a run or even a slight jog - just some initial steps along the path to living the life I imagined.

So . . . here are some of the things I will be doing and working on in the coming weeks/months and year:

* Writing a movie script
* Finishing some songs I've written, recording them on my home studio equipment and posting them on youtube and other sites to start getting them out there
* Exercising and getting myself to the best physical shape I've ever been in
* Figuring out a plan to go back to Uganda for a period of time in 2010 to do some more humanitarian work
* taking some acting and dance classes to help get back to my creative roots
* Writing a book (my brother, sister and I came up with a genius idea for a non-fiction book while we were at the farm last week - let's just say we already have all the material)

There's a few others, but there you have it for now. Ambitious? Yes. But they are all things I love and feel connected to and never feel like work. They are things I've wanted to do since childhood, and I realize I've been doing myself and those around me a huge disservice by not following through on the things I'm naturally talented at, and thus not fulfilling my own potential.

Here's to the journey. Not the destination, but the journey. The importance is in trying, in saying "I am" instead of "I will" or "I could".


Back to work . . . (back to life, back to reality)

>> Thursday, July 2, 2009

Ahhh!! The clock is quickly (too quickly) counting down the last minutes of my vacation before I head back to work. I have one hour and 10 minutes before I'm due at the bookstore, so before I put my work clothes on and pack my dinner I felt the urge to post one last vacation post before reality kicks in.

There's something really special about vacations. Whether you go away or stay at home, a vacation allows you to step back from your life and kind of get back to the core of who you really are. It allows you to re-examine your life and gage whether or not you're on track with where you should be. I feel like my life is slowly (very slowly) getting back on track. I started biking and exercising while I was away - waking up super early to do it and loving it (although I must admit I am horribly out of shape). I also performed at the wedding reception (I sang the song for the "first dance" of SJ and Clayton) and remembered how great it was to sing in front of people and make people feel the meaning of a song. I also spent a good deal of time outside and going for drives and just being in nature, which always makes me feel more at home no matter where I am.

One high-light for me of the trip was that on Sunday afternoon, after everyone had left and it was just my parents and Chris and I left on the farm, there was a huge (and I mean huge) thunderstorm. It rolled in quite quickly and before we knew it the skys were dark and the rain was pouring down. Chris and I were standing on the porch and I could see the flaps of the tent (the wedding tent people hadn't come yet to take it down) just flapping up and down. I really wanted to see if the rain was coming into the tent, so I ran across the field into the tent and stood on the dance floor for a few minutes just listening to the sound of the rain hitting the roof and feeling the mist of the water coming in from the sides of the tent. It then started to get really bad out, so I thought I should head back to the house for safety. Well pretty much as soon as I set foot outside the tent, I was soaked. Head to toe, completely drenched. I started to run across the field again in the direction of the house, and suddenly started laughing like a little kid. Chris was in the house at that point and said he could actually hear me laughing from inside and over the sound of the thunder! I was pretty much hysterical with laughter as I ran through the rain, and although I know I probably looked (and sounded) quite silly, let me tell you: nothing will make you feel more alive and in the moment than running across a field in the country during a huge thunderstorm while you're being pelted with heavy raindrops! Nature put on another show for us later on in the early evening, when we saw the most beautiful rainbow across the sky. It was perfect in it's shape and had all the colours - it was another one of those perfect moments that your mind just takes a snapshot of and remains in your memory forever. Both the thunderstorm and the rainbow were beautiful and mysterious and made me think about all the lessons nature can teach us.

I'll have to continue this post when I get home from work: even though there's more I want to write about, reality is now beckoning for me to join her. Work awaits - here's hoping my first day back is smooth sailing!!


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