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We're moving to BC!

>> Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Yup - you read that right.

We're moving . . . again.

Yes, we did just move to Port Stanley in March. And yes, we absolutely love it here. Like one of my husband's mentors says though: "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take", and a big opportunity came up for us that we just had to jump on.

We hadn't been planning on moving anytime soon. Like I said, we LOVE Port Stanley. Seriously, this place has been absolutely amazing in ways I never even expected. It's been beautiful, awe-inspiring, inspirational, and a respite from the busyness of our work lives. It's been small-town living at its finest, and I know I'll always remember this season of our lives with immense fondness. We've also been very blessed in our jobs, and had planned on staying and continuing to work here for a few more years, but a job opportunity came up for Chris that's pretty much his all-time dream job, and it just so happened to be in Victoria, British Columbia.

When he told me, I immediately got goose bumps and knew this was something he needed to pursue. We knew right away that this job seemed tailor-made for him, and it being in BC was something that made both our hearts start beating faster. For the past several years, living in BC has been on our "bucket list", and it's something that would find its way into conversation every few months. It had always been something that was on our 5 or 10-year plan though - we never imagined that an opportunity would come up for us to live there sooner rather than later!

But, God's plans are always bigger than our own, and things started to line up to make this a reality for us. Needless to say, he got the job and we'll be moving to BC at the end of September. The company he'll be working for and the work they do is awesome - he'll be working for a not-for-profit organization that takes groups of young people on trips around Vancouver Island on tall ships (they look like pirate ships for you non-boating people)  ;)  They also do 8-10 month tall ship expeditions to various locations around the world. The youth learn leadership skills, how to overcome their fears, and of course - how to sail! It's a really, amazing organization, and right up Chris' alley.

It's a pretty quick timeline in terms of us moving there and him starting his new job, but we're both excited for the adventure of it all and to see what's in store! We've already started to check off some major items on the checklist, so that's relieved some of the stress of the last few weeks. After some intense searching, we've found a great place to live in a town called North Saanich. As we're not big "city" people, (even though Victoria isn't that big of a city) we decided to try and find a place a little outside of the city, but close enough for both of us to commute in. North Saanich is on the Saanich Peninsula, about 30 minutes north of Victoria. It's surrounded on three sides by the ocean, and we've been blessed to find a home across the street from the water! It seems like a great town, and close to some amazing sights, and we're feeling really blessed to know we have a place to stay when we get there!

We've decided to drive there as opposed to flying and shipping our cars. We're also not taking much with us. We downsized a lot when we moved to Port Stanley, so we've decided to take it a step further and move with no furniture at all! We're selling all the furniture we have left, and will buy some new items once we're settled in our new home. We're just taking some clothes, toiletries, a few boxes of momentos/books/personal items, and that's it! We'll each drive a car, with Franklin hitchin' a ride in the back of the bigger car. We leave for our journey on Sunday September 28th and plan to arrive in North Saanich on Friday October 3rd. Right now the plan is to take the Trans-Canada highway. We thought about driving through the States, but decided to take in the sights on the Canadian side instead. Neither of us have done that drive ourselves, and we hear it's beautiful so it looks like we're gonna' keep it pure Canadian! We're taking 6 days to do it as we don't want to be driving more than 8 hours a day or so, as it'll just get too tiring (plus we don't want to have Franklin in the car for longer than that every day).

In terms of where I'll be working - I'm in the process of seeing if I can get a transfer. In case that doesn't pan out (we only have one large-format store there so positions are few and far between), I've started applying at other places, which is a surreal experience as I've been at the same company for so long! It's also very unconcerting to think that there's a possibility I might be unemployed for awhile. I'm someone who needs to work, so I'm determined to line something up before we leave Ontario! Now that we know where we'll be living I'm able to focus my job search a bit more to areas that are within commuting distance.

So still lots of things to do, figure out, and plan and prep for! If you're the praying type, if you could keep us in your prayers as we undertake this new adventure, that would be awesome! Pray that we get through our to-do lists with grace and gratitude, that we have a safe journey from Ontario to BC, that we remain in good health during this busy time, that our financial needs for our journey are covered, and that I find a well-paying job. Most of all though, pray that we continue to lean in and rely on God. I tend to worry about things, so my brain's been going at 100 mph the past few weeks, thinking of all the "what ifs". We know that this is God's plan for us and everything will work itself out (some of our prayers have already been answered!), but prayers for reminders of that are always needed!

I plan to update this blog a lot more as we continue on this journey - both as we wrap up our lives in Ontario and as we make the journey to BC, so feel free to check in from time to time to see how things are progressing in this next chapter of our lives. I've attached some pics of Vancouver Island (including some of North Saanich) so you can see our new stomping grounds!

Here's to new adventures on the west coast!
:) Suz


When the lights are on, but nobody's home (Or, "What it's like to get two concussions in less than two months")

>> Sunday, May 25, 2014

This is the scene of the crime. Or at least, the second one.

About six weeks ago, yours truly went out to get something from the shed. It was raining and slippery (but I had my rubber boots on with the good grips!), and as I was leaving the shed I slipped on the wooden planks and had a total wipe-out. I know I hit my tailbone, as it was sore for days afterwards, but the bulk of the force was on the back of my head. I remember laying there for awhile (in the rain), thinking I didn't know if I could get up, and maybe if I lay there for awhile one of my neighbours would see me (which is crazy, as our backyard by the shed is super private and goes into the woods, so who could see me anyways?!) I also distinctly remember thinking "I can't believe I just fell - again.")

You see, about seven weeks before that, I had fallen down the stairs at our old house. That fall I ended up with a damaged tailbone and a mild concussion. The concussion wasn't even diagnosed until almost a week afterwards, and although I was out for a few days, it got better pretty quickly. I'm a bit of a klutz, but still - 2 major falls for me in such a short period of time is definitely a personal record.

Anyway - I don't really remember how I got back into the house from outside - everything's a bit of a blur from then until a few days afterwards to be honest. I do know I got a horrible headache and started throwing up and couldn't stop, so Chris took me to the ER at the hospital in St.Thomas (which PS - has the fastest, most efficient emergency room I've ever seen), and I was there for awhile. Got diagnosed with a "bad" concussion, had some tests, then was told I'd need to be off work (and pretty much everything else) for at least one week, possibly two depending on how I felt). I was given some pretty strict instructions not to do anything involving screens or really anything involving concentration. Basically it was: no work, no TV, no phone, no computer, no music, no reading, no writing, no exercise, no driving).

The first few days that was fine - my head was killing me and I just slept most of the time. After about day 3 though, when I started to be up and moving around again, I started noticing the really weird symptoms, and things I hadn't really had (at least not this severe) with the first knock to the head.

First of all, I was angry, like really, really angry and irritable. I don't remember what I said, but Chris says I said some pretty horrible things. It was like my brain couldn't or wouldn't filter anything. I've always been a very nice, polite person - and very aware of other people's feelings, so this was kind of uncharted territory. It made me afraid to even go out and walk the dog, as if I saw someone do something that for some reason irritated me at all, I probably would have said something really mean to them. It sounds strange to even write it, but I guess it was kind of like I didn't care at all about anyone else during that time and my emotions were ruling. If I was angry, I'd say something horrible. If I was sad, at all, I'd cry.

Chris was fabulous throughout it - the literature they had given us about it said this was perfectly normal, and would pass in awhile. My physiotherapist I'm seeing now (yup - I had to start going to physiotherapy) also said not to worry, and I wasn't going crazy. She'd seen it many, many times before and these feelings of anger, irritability and sadness would pass with time.

The second thing I noticed, and probably the thing that has been the hardest to work through, was the confusion. It's the hardest thing to explain to anyone who hasn't had a concussion before. The way I've been explaining it to people now is: you know how in the summer, there are some days when it's really hot and everyone uses their AC at the same time and there's so much demand for the power that it shorts out the power and there's an outage? That's what it's like. It's like there's just too much information my brain is trying to process, too much demand for brain power, so it just has a 'power outage' and shuts itself down. I would find myself suddenly not knowing where I was, what I was doing, why I was doing it, what day it was, even in essence, who I was. It's not like I forgot my name or anything, but it was like I just couldn't connect the dots in my head, I couldn't put context behind anything. The first few times I did walk the dog after it happened, I kept reminding myself every few steps "I'm walking my dog Franklin, I live at the house at the end of the street, I'm walking my dog Franklin, I live at the house at the end of the street" 'cause I was afraid I would get lost! It also didn't help that this whole time my head was still hurting incessantly, and I wasn't sleeping very well. Every night I had a really hard time falling asleep, and once I did I would wake up pretty much at least once an hour.

After the first week off, I was going to attempt to go back to work on the Monday. I was still feeling pretty rough, but was determined to "tough it out" and give it a go. On the Sunday beforehand, Chris and I decided to go see my parents at their farm near Port Dover. I hadn't driven yet since it happened, so Chris suggested I drive for a bit to see how it went so he was sure I was okay to drive to work the next morning (I commute about an hour to work in London). Well . . . it didn't go so well. I made it out of Port Stanley, but about 5-10 minutes in I started feeling really weird, and had to pull over once we made it to St.Thomas. I got really nauseous, the pressure in the back of my head got really bad, and apparently the confusion got really bad too. If my brain was having a hard time filtering incoming information, it was as if driving and trying to filter information while moving, made all the symptoms even worse. The whole rest of the day I was pretty out of it and not feeling well, so I ended up taking off the second week as well to recover more.

So fast forward to the end of the second week. By this point I'm telling myself "alright brain - you've been off for two weeks now - get it together!" I still wasn't feeling great, but was putting on a good front I think, as I didn't want to be seen as a wimp. I now fully realize that a concussion falls under the "traumatic brain injury" category, and is not something to be taken lightly.

I was nervous to go back to work, as I knew I wasn't feeling like my normal self, but I was also excited, as being off work for two weeks not being able to do much is really, really, really boring. Seriously - I know most people would think "oh, I'd love to be off work for a few weeks and not do anything", but when you really can't do anything, let me tell you - it sucks!

I drove myself to work that first day, and . . . it didn't go well. I don't really remember a whole lot about that day. I know I somehow made it through the whole work day (I now hear from my co-workers how out of it I was that day and how they knew I wasn't ready to be back - apparently I was really confused and had to keep asking for help as I couldn't remember how to do things and wasn't able to make even the smallest of decisions). I somehow got home, only to start throwing up again and had a severe headache, and ended up back in the emergency room. The doctor said it was a relapse, and because I had attempted to go back to "normal life" before my brain was fully healed, it was like the concussion had just happened. I was back to square one, and had to begin the concussion recovery steps all over again. I was out of work for another week, and it was then that I was also referred to a physiotherapist, to follow me as I recovered.

After that third week, I was now back to work, but did a graduated return to work. That first week back, I worked 4-hour shifts, the second week back I worked 6-hour shifts, and this last week was my first week back at 8-hour shifts. It's been slow going, but I'm now back to a regular work schedule and feeling like things are slowly getting back to normal.

I'm still doing physiotherapy, but now I'm down to one appointment a week. We do some neck stretches and balance exercises and stuff, but the main component is getting electro-magnetic pulse therapy. They attach little electrodes to my earlobes, and it sends pulses to my brain. It helps to reset the pathways in your brain (that's the easiest way to describe it I guess). Is it helping? Well I'm back to work and down to one appointment a week, so I think it definitely is! It's been really helpful too to just have someone to talk to each week who really knows about concussions and walk me through the recovery.

I still have a "permaheadache", and this last week while I was working full shifts for the first time, they got really bad. I sometimes get really bad pressure at the back of my head, and it almost feels like my head is filling up with water. That's a signal to me that I need to take a break and let myself zone out for awhile. I can tell my brain's still having a hard time processing all the information that's coming at me all the time at work. I also work in a really bright, noisy environment, so it's been tough. My work place has been fabulous though and very understanding. I can tuck into the office for awhile, turn down the music and put my sunglasses on, and give my brain a break when I need to, and everyone's been really accommodating when I ask them to slow down a bit when they talk to me. I've been pretty upfront about what I can and cannot understand, and when I need help with something. As far as the confusion goes, the hardest thing now I'm finding is when people are either trying to talk to me when there's other conversations or noise going on in the background, or when people are talking really fast. It's kind of like I then hear the first sentence or two they say, but everything after that turns into gobbly-gook and I can't understand what they're saying. I'm also still having a bit of a hard time reading - I can read and write, but if I'm reading something that's on a full page of text I have a hard time deciphering what I'm reading. One trick I'm doing now is to just cover up the rest of the page with a blank piece of paper, so only the paragraph I'm reading is visible, and then I just move the blank paper down as I continue reading the rest of the page. It's frustrating, but I'm making progress.

Noise in general is tough - I haven't listened to music in 6 weeks, so I really miss that, but I can listen to talk radio no problem. I think with music, it's just again - too much information to process. Each separate instrument coming at me, plus singing, it's just to much. Hopefully that passes soon, as I had just downloading a few new albums from iTunes right before this all happened, and I really want to give them a good listen!

Driving is fine now - I wear sunglasses while driving now, even on the cloudiest day, as it just mutes the colours a bit. Thankfully at least half my drive is in the country, so it's a bit of a calmer environment to drive through than the city.

Anyway, this has turned into a really long post. I think I just needed to write out how I've been feeling, both to make myself feel better, and also to help explain to people what this experience has been like.

I know it could have been much worse. I am terrified now of hitting my head again though, as I could get permanent brain damage. For the life of me, I can't understand why athletes would continue to play after getting a few concussions. Before this happened (even after the first one which wasn't bad at all compared to this one), I always though concussions were something you recovered from and weren't that big of a deal. I now know they're a big deal, as your brain is your brain! It's you - how you act, how you think, what you do. It's the centrepiece of you as a person. If you injure that, it can be very hard (sometimes impossible) to recover from.

Thankfully I am recovering from it, and from where I am now in the recovery process, I can look back and say I've learned three major things from this experience.

1) As my husband tells me often - "you need to slow down!" I've gotten better these last few years at taking longer breaks from things (really relaxing on vacations, days off, etc), but I still have a tendency to rush through my "normal" days. I can very much be a "what's next?" kind of person. Always rushing through the current task I'm working on, so I can move on to the next thing. That's probably what I was doing when I was out at the shed that day. Just moving too fast and not paying full attention to the moment. I'm now forced to be slower at some things, and as frustrating as that can be, it's definitely been something I've been reflecting on and learning from. 

2) Compassion for invisible injuries - a head injury is most often an "invisible injury". Unlike a broken arm or leg, unless you tell someone about your injury, it is most often impossible for someone else to know what's going on with you. As upfront as I've been with my co-workers about it, it's obviously not something I'm broadcasting to every customer I help at the store, and I've had several embarrassing moments so far at work where I'm trying to help someone with something and have had to call for assistance as I just can't figure something out (whereas before these things would come to me no problem). The first week back I think I cried every single day at work (privately, not in front of people), because I was just frustrated at myself for not being 100% yet. There've been instances where I can tell people are looking at me like "how many times do I have to tell this girl what I'm looking for?!", because they don't know that I'm recovering from a concussion and am having a hard time understanding what they're saying. On my end, it's made me much more understanding of other people's behaviour in general. Sometimes I deal with people who get really angry, or say inappropriate things, or just act strangely. Whereas before I'd think "who do they think they are?" or "wow - that person is out to lunch", now I think "well maybe they have an invisible injury, maybe they have some sort of disability that makes them act that way". Of course, some people are just mean or inappropriate, but it's given me the insight to understand that some people really can't control the way they act, and they need just as much compassion and consideration from me as anyone else.

3) Life is short. We all know this, but this experience drove it home a little bit more. I wasn't planning on falling and hitting my head again that day. I wasn't planning on injuring my brain and feeling for weeks like I was lost in my own head. You just never know what's around the next corner. You just never know how long you'll be here. It ties into #1, but just that theme of really living your days, soaking in what life has to offer you, and really being thankful for each day you have, that's been a huge reminder to me throughout all this. It's also changed me in the sense that I no longer have time for nonsense. It's almost as if that emotional / no filter thing that started happening a few days after this concussion has never fully gone away. Thankfully the anger part has (which I'm sure my husband is very greatful for), but the part of me that before would have maybe filtered my words or behaviour when it came to dealing with "nonsense", is now gone, lol. I've always been fairly upfront and honest when it came to expressing myself when I disagreed with someone, etc. Now it's like I'm a little more abrupt with it. It's not as if I'm not polite or anything, it's more like I just realize I don't have the time to tip-toe around any issue anymore. I've become even more "tell it like it is" - I don't know if that's a result of the concussion, or it's a result of realizing how truly short life is and I don't want to waste my time or my words, but so far it's actually been a really positive change.

Well, that's it for now. If you actually made it to the end of this, thanks for reading it, and hopefully it gives you some insight into this sort of injury in case you have someone in your life who has been through it or will go through it or something worse in the future.

I'm now entering Week #7 of recovery, and am confident that soon I'll be back at 100%. These past few weeks I've just been getting used to being back at work, and outside of physio appointments have kept things pretty simple - just work, physio and sleep for the most part. Now I'm slowly starting to re-integrate other areas of my life into the "rotation", and I'm so happy and thankful I'm at that point. 7 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things, I know that. But it's been one of the weirdest, most challenging areas of my life so far after 34 years on this planet. It's driven me to learn more about the brain and how it works, and to re-examine areas of my life that I know I need to change.

Thanks all.




The Judges Next Adventure!

>> Wednesday, February 12, 2014

We're moving again!

Yes . . . again.

Turns out the love of living a somewhat nomadic lifestyle continues to burn bright in both of us Judges, so we've decided to pack up and call a new place home in March.

We'll be leaving London and moving about 25 minutes away to the town of Port Stanley, which is right on Lake Erie.

We hadn't really been planning on moving anytime soon, but an opportunity came up to rent this super cute little cottage home (with amazing lake views) and we just couldn't pass it up. It's actually both a bit of a dream come true and an answer to prayer!

A little history - shortly after we got married, my husband and I moved to a little house right on the shore of Lake Simcoe. We only lived there for a year, but it was a magical year and we've always looked back fondly on our time there and knew that eventually we wanted to move back to living near the water. We're both big time "water people" and I've always said I always feel most at home when I'm in, on, or near the water. We've lived in a lot of different homes and environments since that year on the lake (seriously - we are experts at moving), but 6 and a half years later and we're finally making our way back to the lifestyle we both enjoy the most!

Port Stanley is a very cute little town, and went there quite a bit this past summer. When we first moved to the London area we considered moving there, but there was nothing available at the time and we thought it would be too far of a drive, considering we both work in London. After visiting Port Stanley in the summer though we realized it's actually not that far at all (well, not far for anyone who is from the GTA and used to commuting), so we've kept a bit of an eye on the area from time to time just to see if anything came available. Sure enough a listing came up not too long ago that Chris spotted so we decided to go check it out and of course absolutely fell in love with it.

It's a small house. Like, really small. As in tiny, tiny . . . really tiny. 600 square feet to be exact. But it's 600 square feet of pure character. It sits up on the top of a tall cliff that overlooks the main beach area below. There are stairs at the end of our road that lead down to the beach below, or we can walk about 10 minutes to another, more private beach. The front of the house is all windows and has some spectacular views of the lake, and the area itself where our house is seems quite quiet and friendly and away from the more touristy part of town. Both times we went to look at the house, every single person we drove past waved at us - I love that small town vibe! It has two small bedrooms (one we'll turn into a little office), 1 tiny bathroom, and then a combined open plan living space/kitchen. The house is so small that the entire place is heated by a gas fireplace. It's also so small that the washing machine is in the kitchen - ha! It does have a huge covered patio in the backyard, which pretty much doubles the living space in the warmer months, and a 2-level shed in the backyard as well. The yard is pretty big (with a firepit - woo hoo!) and it drops off at the back into a forest with a ravine.

I'm really excited - like, really excited. Not just to be living back on the water again, but I'm so excited to be downsizing. This past summer I started to have a great desire to downsize, and both Chris and I started talking about how great it would be to just sell everything. I think we're both pretty good about not having too much of a personal attachment towards "things", and our plan (and prayers) for our long-term future is to be able to just pack up a suitcase or backpack and just "go", and not feel weighed down by belongings. While we're both extremely grateful for the house we live in now, (this house itself was an answer to prayer when we first decided to move to London and couldn't find a place to live at first!) we know it really is too big for the two of us and the dog, and we've both never been fans of having space that doesn't get used a lot. We're probably fairly minimalistic already to many people's standards, but we've both really felt a need to pair down more and get back to an even more simplistic, minimalist lifestyle. The rent in our new house is also less than half of what we're paying now, so we're definitely excited that we'll be able to save more and become even better stewards of our money!

Our current house is about 1800 square feet, so we're getting rid of at least 75% of all our belongings, but probably more like 90% as we really want to move with the bare minimums. We've already sold most of our furniture, and are now going through the rest of our stuff to either sell, give away or donate. This will definitely be the easiest move we've ever done, as we'll hardly have anything to move!

I'm sure we're going to have some moments (perhaps many moments), when we both feel cramped or get cabin fever, but I feel confident that this is probably going to end up being one of the best decisions we have ever made. And it's just another example of how God so knows the desires of our hearts and is constantly opening doors and shedding light on new opportunities for growth and ways to shed the things in our lives that we don't need or are holding us back, whether it's physical "things" or just the "noise" of a place or environment.

The pics below are of our new place and our new town. Here's to new adventures!



Random Ramblings

>> Friday, December 20, 2013

I'm not sleepy.

It's 3:07am as I write this, and I'm debating whether or not I should go to bed. I'm still wired from a series of late nights at the store, and I'm off tomorrow, so I think my brain and my body are still decompressing. I usually need a few good hours of "decompress-mode" after work before I can hit the sack. Especially after a closing shift, where I usually hit my second wind right around when most other people are probably getting ready for bed.

It probably doesn't help that I drank a Dr.Pepper when I got home.

Come to think of it, it probably doesn't help that I ate some chocolate either.

Or that I'm sitting in front of a bright computer screen.

Hmmm . . . .

Anyway - how's it going dear reader? How has this Holiday season been treating you thus far?  ;)

I'm been busy as a bee these last few weeks (these last few months actually!) I know most people are probably counting down to Christmas (5 more days in case you were wondering), but I myself am counting down to January.

Primarily because that's when the craziness dies down a bit in my life, but mostly because my favourite holiday of the year is in January (New Year's Day!) AND I have a whole week of vacation in January - woot woot!

I am excited about Christmas though. I'm not a big getting presents kind of person anymore (but I don't think most adults are though, right? You get to the point where you can afford to buy what you want for yourself and the excitement of getting presents kind of goes away a bit. I do love buying presents though - especially for the kiddos - I could spend hours in Toys R Us!) I am pretty stoked though to be spending Christmas Day and Boxing Day at my parents farm in Simcoe. It'll just be them and Chris and I this year, but the following weekend we're going back for another visit, as my sister and her family will be coming down as well, so I get double the dose of Brimley/Greenway family farm famjam!

Sorry - maybe I am tired - I just wrote "family farm famjam".

And now I've written it twice.


Okay, moving on.

In other news - Franklin the dog has decided to shed more in the last few weeks than he ever has in his entire existence. I swear if his fur was worth money I would be typing this on a gold keyboard while someone fed me chocolate and massaged my feet. I think even Frankin is amazed at the amount he is shedding. He walked past a clump of dog hair on the floor just now and looked at it and then me with a sort of amazement in his eyes. That or he was silently judging me for not vacuuming enough.

I'm convinced though that Frankers is a canine weather predictor. He's obviously in the process of growing the thickest, craziest dog coat ever in the history of time - because he knows (he just knows!) that now that we live in London we will be subjected to the snowiest, coldest winter known to man. Seriously - I've seen more snow and felt more cold in the last few weeks than we ever did when we lived in the Barrie snowbelt. We moved here last November, and I don't remember it being like this so early on in the season last year.  It probably doesn't help that I lost my favourite winter gloves and need new waterproof winter boots (as having cold hands and wet feet is maybe making me a little grumpier about winter than last year), but I regress - my dog can predict the weather - amazing!

Alright - I'm gonna' wrap this sucker up. Speaking of the dog, need to let him out one more time before we try getting some shut eye.

I promise my next post will be more coherent than this one.

Note to self - blog posts at 3am - not your best idea.

;) Suz

P.S. - just let the dog out. He predicts rain for tomorrow folks. Just sos ya knows!


You Are Not Special

>> Thursday, December 5, 2013

You are not special.

I am not special.

"We" are not special.


Harsh right?

This is the message of several blogs/articles that have been circling the internet over the past several months. I've read them with interest, as this is something that's been on my heart for awhile now - this idea or concept of elevating oneself over others that comes from thinking you are somehow . . . special.

Some of these articles I found way too demeaning - viewpoints that dehumanized our existence and left myself as the reader feeling quite frankly, a little depressed. Others leaned too much to the other side - applauding a little too exuberantly the idea that life itself is a miracle and that each and every one of us can and should accomplish everything our hearts desire during our time here on Earth.

I fall somewhere in the middle. Actually that's not entirely true. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I lean more towards the side that says we are not in fact, special.

It all comes down to how you use the word of course. "Special" by definition means "better or greater than". In the context I'm referring to here though, it means "better or greater than someone else entirely".

I don't think I'm special. And no offense to anyone else who is reading this, but - I don't think you're special either. I don't think that any one person's worth is better than or greater than another's. Of course I think some people are "better" or more skilled at some things than others. Some are smarter than others, some are funnier, etc, etc. My dad for instance is better at math and science than anyone else I know. My husband is one of the best speakers I've ever seen. I'm probably a better singer than a lot of my family and friends. But that doesn't make them special. It doesn't make me special.

Because as good as my dad is at math and science - there's a heck of a lot of people out there who are smarter than him in those areas. As skilled as my husband is at communicating, I know there are a slew of others whose skills are equal to or exceed his. And as confident as I am now in my singing abilities, I know for sure that there are flocks and flocks of singers out there who could outsing me on their worst days. And even those people who are better or more skilled, there are people out there who are even better than they are. There will always be someone who is "better".

I think we all know this on a base level, but the thing is - we're living in a very weird/interesting time in history. With both the ability to have instant access to information and the constant communication we're in with each other all the time, we can instantly put ourselves "out there" with this attitude of "look at me! look at me! look at what I'm doing! look at what I'm good at! I'm so special!!!!" And with this attitude we also tend to adopt the attitude or thinking that because we are "special" we are somehow "better" - not just at that one skill but somehow overall.

And it's not just with people who are highly skilled in certain areas. I don't know about you, but I see it all the time. People who have this sense of entitlement, a sense that they deserve better, a sense that they are better. And it comes from people from all walks of life. Upper class, middle class, lower class, from the West, from the East, from the young to the old. I know I myself have adopted this attitude from time to time, although it's definitely something I'm becoming a lot more aware of (plus I have a very level-headed husband who won't hesitate to call me out when I take on a "better than" attitude!)

As I was doing some reading on this subject I did some quick digging and found that there are over 7 Billion people on Earth. Roughly 4 people are born every second. Of every minute. Of every hour. Of every day.

Crazy right?! It's so awesome and humbling at the same time. Talk about putting your "status" in this world into perspective!

Think about it - 4 people born every second. So where do we get this idea that we're special? Don't get me wrong. Every child is a gift, and for those of us blessed with parents who welcomed us with tears of joy, we were (and are) indeed "special" . . . to them. But when you zoom out from the picture of your parents holding you for the first time in the hospital, to the other sets of parents beaming down at the 240 other babies born that minute, and then to the 14,400 other babies born that hour, to the 345,600 other babies born that day.

Well, you get the idea. Your birth was really not all that "special". You were/are a gift, a blessing - we all are. Each breath we take is a gift, and our lives truly can be a blessing to each other. But with 7+ billion of us, we're not all that . . . special.

I don't mean to offend at all - I believe in God our creator and I believe in His great design for our lives.

I think I'm coming to realize though that I believe more in our uniqueness, than our specialness. When you start to think about how, in a world of over 7 billion people, none of our DNA is exactly the same - that's pretty crazy and awesome, in a whole different way. When you begin to wrap your brain around that - that 7 billion people are truly different, are unique creatures, and none hold more worth than the other, it shifts your own attitude about yourself a little bit.

It's been a ongoing perspective shift for me, and I'm still working on it. I've gone through periods in my life so far where I've been incredibly prideful - where I've just expected a lot, simply "because". It's been incredibly helpful to me recently to remember that I'm not special, I'm unique. When I find myself feeling a little bit entitled, thinking "why is this happening to me", "why can't I have that?", "how dare they treat me like that!" I try to remember that we are all unique beings on this earth, and I am in no way shape or form above anyone or anything. It then becomes more of a realization of "why wouldn't this happen to me", "why would I have that", and "why wouldn't they treat me like that" - it helps take the me out of the equation and keeps everything on a level playing field.

It has also helped to motivate me to celebrate my uniqueness, and to be more accepting of myself. When you began to rid yourself of that need to stand not just out, but above others, and to just stand with others instead, it frees you in a way nothing else can. When you start to celebrate not just your own innate uniqueness, but the uniqueness of those around you, it adds a level of joy to what you're doing. It takes away an unhealthy pressure, and replaces it with a more healthy striving to improve not just your own life or lifestyle, but the lives of others. I don't mean to get all cheesy on you here, but when you look at the people who have really impacted this world in a positive way, I think it's safe to say that the vast majority of them weren't thinking of themselves when they accomplished what they did. They weren't looking to stand above, to elevate, to be superior, or special. They weren't looking out for the betterment of their own lives. They were looking to stand with, they were looking for equality, they were looking out for the betterment of the lives of others.

So no, I don't think I'm special.

I'm unique.

I am the only me in a world of 7 billion people.

You are the only you.

And that my friends, is pretty darn cool.


Winter is coming . . .

>> Tuesday, November 12, 2013

I'm sitting here in my favourite chair, at midnight, as the snow continues to fall outside.

Winter is coming . . .

Actually, as far as I'm concerned, once the first snowfall happens it's winter already. Break out the snow boots, the windshield scrapers, shovels and salt, and settle in for a season of coldness, greyness, wetness and blahness.

Or . . . get excited for a season of snowflakes, snowmen, Christmas trees, hot chocolate and gatherings with family and friends.

Which one to pick?


This year, I pick the latter. I've had a few years at this point in my life when I've gravitated more towards the former. Seeing the snow fall for the first time of the season and feeling a sort of dread. I love Summer - I am a full-on beach lovin', sun lovin', flip flop kinda' gal. So for me, the realization that Winter has arrived has mostly been a bit of a let down in the past, more of a "just get through it and start counting down the days until Summer arrives again" kind of thing.

Not this year though. Life is way too short to live with a "just get through it" attitude.

Today I saw the snow falling and I got excited. Like, really excited. I may have spontaneously broken out into a happy dance right in the middle of the sales floor at my store.

I don't know what's changed, I didn't actually consciously choose when I heard it may snow today to be excited about it. But I'll tell 'ya - I saw that snow falling through the sky today and it represented something to me . . .


A whole new season. Not just season as in weather, but season as in life.

How amazing is it that we live another day, another month, another year, another season in life? Sometimes it can seem like the odds are so highly stacked against us it's hard to see around them. But in my 33 years of life, I have experienced roughly 12,045 days, or 17,344,800 minutes, where I have beaten the odds.

That's crazy-town. In the best possible way.

Every single day, every single minute, is someone's last. Not to get all morbid on you, but it's both a sobering and amazingly life-affirming thing to think about that every once in awhile. Life is truly a gift, yet we spend so much of our time feeling ticked off about it.

Snow falls, and we sigh and think Winter is coming. We cringe as we think about all the snow we'll have to shovel, or that we have to dig out our gloves and that horrible winter jacket we hate. We get anxious as we think about having to commute in this weather, or that the heating bill will go up.

Or . . .

Snow falls, and we smile and think Winter is coming. We're thankful that we still have the physical strength to shovel the driveway at the house we're blessed to live in, and that we have gloves and a warm winter jacket to wear that still fits. We're grateful as we commute to a job we're lucky to have in this economy (that will pay our heating bill in our cozy house), in a car that runs and keeps us safe.

All the while, I breathe in, I breathe out.

I am alive.

Winter is coming . . .


Getting Organized

>> Saturday, October 5, 2013

I used to be super organized - like really, really organized. Schedules, calendars, home life, work life, school life - all organized and accounted for.

Somewhere along the way in the last several years though, I seem to have lost my penchant for organizing. I'm still somewhat organized, and if you asked anyone at work I'm sure they would probably tell you that I'm the "organized" one, but I can tell I'm not nearly as on top of it as I once was.

I'm not entirely sure why - being organized and having things planned out has always really worked for me and the way I process information. I've always enjoyed the process of planning and mapping out my days, projects and work space, and find it rather cathartic. It also makes life a lot easier and smoother when you have a "plan" - not just for the big stuff but for the little stuff as well. I think for whatever reason I just fell out of the habit of being organized and found it difficult to get started again.

Lately I've been feeling a strong desire to get back into the habit of being highly organized. I'm on Pinterest, and love some of the posts and links I've seen recently about systems other people are using to plan and get some more structure in their lives. I've also started combing the shelves of Staples and Michaels - getting some ideas for organizational tools I can customize in ways that both work for me and where I can add a creative touch.

As I've started to get back into this process, I'm realizing: a) how much I've missed it, b) how precious our time is, and c) how much time I've let get away from me! Time goes by so quickly, and I'm realizing how easily I can waste a lot of time when I let myself become disorganized. I also realize that having unstructured time is important sometimes, especially for us creative types who like to dream and imagine and create. But perhaps plotting out and structuring those times when you can be unstructured (instead of all your time being unstructured) is actually the way to go. I used to actually schedule very specific times in my planner to write and work on music, and at the time it really worked!

We have so many distractions these days. It really can be way too easy and frequent to get to the end of the day and wonder what happened to the hours and how it's time for bed already. Keeping organized - having a plan for your days, mapping out your short and long-term goals - I know it works, and I'm determined to get back into the habit.

So here's to organizing, having a plan, and getting back to what works!


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