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Go away Mr.Spider!!

>> Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I just waged war on what has got to be the biggest, scariest looking spider I have ever seen. I was about to walk out my front door to take Frankers for a little stroll when it repelled from the top of the outside door frame - inches away from my face!! This thing was massive - I'm not exaggeratting when I say that it's body was about an inch long, and with it's long spindly legs, it was easily at least 3 and 1/2 inches big. I let out a yelp (much to Franklin's amusement), promptly slammed the door shut, and then spent about 2 or 3 minutes spewing forth words that would have shocked anyone within a 100-metre radius and had young children covering their ears and crying for their moms.

I hatched a plan though - yes siree Bob, I would harness my fury about all things creepy and crawly and take this sucker down!! I grabbed my can of raid, carefully opened the door ever so slightly, stategically placed the nozzle of the can so it was right on target with my prey . . . and unleashed hell.

I must have used about half the can on this unsightly, nightmarish beast, but as I closed the door and peeked through the window to ensure it's demise I was shocked to see that it was still alive. It was trying to make it's way to safe hiding, but I was past the point of no return, and in good conscience could not let this creature endure a long and painful death. I came back for a second round of raid, and yet this pinnacle of horror would not die! It was not until my fourth round of spraying that it finally seemed to meet its fate. I'm still not sure though, as it refuses to drop to the ground - it remains curled up in a ball hanging from it's web. Yes it looks dead, but I think it may be a clever little devil and is simply putting on an act - waiting for me to let down my defenses before it appears again.

But don't be fooled Mr.Spider. I will not forget, and I will not fail. I will guard my home like a castle, and entry into my little sanctuary you will not get. I will stand guard, for as long as it takes, to ensure that you and all your spider friends do not get access to my home. You may have the power of fear and intimidation on your side, but I have a steely determination, and I will not fail. I am ready for battle - with my friend Mr.Raid standing by my side.


Franciska August 28, 2009 at 12:15 AM  

OMG Suzanne!! I am terrfied and I haven't even seen this nightmarish of a horror of a creature. LOL TAKE A PICTURE and post it!!! I reminded me of the years I lived in my apartment by the lake on Lakeshore. Remember that? I was faced with many a huge spiders on a regular basis, year round, amongst many other nasty, creepy crawly creatures. UGH the horror I faced every time. And unfortunately they were INSIDE my home.
I must also mention that you are fabulous story teller. You need to write.

Sheryll Brimley August 28, 2009 at 2:37 PM  

Suzanne! I just got finished reading this to your Dad(my 3rd time reading it myself) and we both agree with Franciska...you NEED to write!!! You are so talented..this is what you need to do!!! Have you ever thought of writing children's books???

Can I submit this story to RAID??

Suzanne September 9, 2009 at 4:34 PM  

:) Thanks! I'm actually working on something now (it's a movie script though). I have often thought about writing children's books though - so thanks for the votes of confidence!!

Sara September 10, 2009 at 12:10 PM  

hahhahahahahah suzanne! honestly my weeks arent complete without a solid dose of your writting. I actually appreciate it so much, even looking at some of those songs/lyrics (?) you recently posted. it gave me goosepimplyes. its true what you wrote a few posts back... -songwriting does seem to come well to you. very well actually....

ps this satantic spider needs to be put down! take him down suzanne!

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