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Love, love, love

>> Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I am in love with the world. I'm finally feeling like my normal self again, and let me tell you - after two weeks of feeling like a zombie, feeling "normal" feels pretty great! There really is nothing like feeling crappy for awhile to make you appreciate your health and your life more than ever. I've been thinking a lot the past couple of weeks about things (as there was not much else to do). Thinking about where I am in life, what I'm doing (and what I'm not doing), who I am and who I could be, what I'm grateful for and what I wish I could change. Here's a couple of things I came up with:

- I am extremely blessed. I have a great family and friends who love me for exactly who I am. I am married to the love of my life who thinks I'm the funniest, cutest, most lovable person ever (not saying I am, but hey - if he thinks I am, who am I to argue)? I have a full-time job with great benefits, a roof over my head and food in the fridge, and even though sometimes it's a struggle to pay the bills, I know that I will never have to live on the street or worry about many of the things a lot of other people have to worry about. I live in a country where we don't have to worry about footing the bill for our hospital stays, where you can become whatever and whomever you want to be and don't have to censore yourself. I have more doors open to me and possible pathways to follow then some people could even imagine. I am truly, truly blessed.

- What else do I know? I know that with all these blessings, I have not yet fully realized my true potential or my true self. I know that perhaps knowing yourself, really knowing yourself, is a life-long pursuit. Maybe it is not until we are old and dying that we realize who we really are. Is that what wisdom is? Not knowing things, but knowing yourself? I think I'm coming to the realization that maybe the answer to the age-old question "what is the purpose of life" is simply this: to know who you are. If you know who you are, everything else will fall into place. If you truly know yourself, nothing can stand in your way. And if you know yourself, you would be able to connect with life and thus connect with others on a deeper level every day of your life. You would naturally strive to serve your family, your community, the world in an effort to make the world a better place after you are gone. Hmm, this is getting quite existential, so let me reel myself back in here. In order to better realize my true potential, there are some things I have now realized I need to do. These are all things I've thought about for awhile now but have simply come into sharper focus over the last couple of weeks:

* I'm going to go back to school. I don't know exactly for what or in what capacity, but I miss learning. I loved school. I missed school. I need to open my mind and kick-start that brain again!
* I'm going to volunteer. I need to better serve my community and make use of my time in a more productive manner. I am great at consuming and taking, but not so great at giving. I'm thinking I'll volunteer either at a hospital or an animal shelter.
* I'm going to do a triathlon. I have no idea how or when, but I'm going to do one within the next year.
* I'm going to meditate and pray. Every day. No matter what, no matter how busy I am. Everyday for at least half an hour.

As the lyrics go in one of Gavin Degraw's songs (he's amazing): "Oh, this is the start of something good -don't you agree? I haven't felt like this in so many moons, you know what I mean?"

2 comments:

Franciska May 29, 2008 at 12:39 AM  

Wow Suzanne...to say the least you are inspiring and motivating and a great example. I'm glad first of all that you're feeling better. And I'm glad you have come to this realization. You know, in this book I'm reading now, it says that you must only worry about the present, because that is all that we truly, surely have. Live in the present! Live it to the fullest, not wasting one day b/c you never know if tomorrow will come. Interestingly enough I have been gaving the same thoughts in the last while, but more so in the last month. I realized that through my search for a better job, and better life I am really searching for the answer to life, for the answer to who I am and what is my purpose in life. I feel this incredible feeling of literally knowing that the universe, that GOD has more for me, then just to life this robotic life that most of us settle for. I'm not putting down anyone it's just that I feel this so strongly. So I have set out to find that higher meaning, that higher purpose for existing and living. I want to be in love with life - I have this unshakable thirst for finding contentment within more then just a materialistic, superficial life. Wow that was deep. :) I am real proud of you Suzanne and I send you many blessings on your journey to finding and knowing yourself! I now find I miss those long, deep conversations you and I always had. I say we see when we can get together and do it. I bet we can share lots and learn from each other!

Suzanne June 25, 2008 at 7:11 PM  

Thanks Betty - this was a great comment - I know you posted it awhile ago but I was just rereading it and it brought a tear to my eye!

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