Day 203 - Happy Pet Lamb

I saw this video online today and I just had to share it it's so cute!!

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Day 202 - Goodbye twenties . . . Hello 30!!

Yup, it's my birthday! I turn 30 today - I'm technically still 29 as I was born at 1:22pm, so I'm holding on to these last few minutes of my twenties until the end!

Looking back on the last decade of my life, I have to say I'm happy with the way my life has gone so far. I did a lot of things these last 10 years that I didn't think I'd get to do or experience 'till later in life, and I don't really have many regrets or should-haves or what-ifs.

The most significant event of these last 10 years would definitely have to be meeting Chris and getting married. I'm so incredibly blessed to have found my soulmate so early in life and to have been able to grow-up with him during such significant years in a person's life. We've been able to experience some amazing things together and if the next 10 years are anything like the last 10 years, I know when I turn 40 I'll be able to look back and reminisce on even more amazing adventures and experiences with him.

I think the 20's for me were a time of great soul-searching and reflection. I kind of barreled my way through my teens - I thought I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted in life. I was a very "hard" person in my teens - I very rarely showed any strong emotion to anyone as I thought it was a sign of weakness and I was always quick to prove to anyone that I was smart, and independant and determined. Then I hit my twenties and it was as if all that angst you're supposed to feel as a teenager (that I didn't) suddenly caught up with me. I didn't know what I wanted to do as a career - should I act? sing? dance? produce? And then when I met Chris and fell in love , that unlocked a whole other side of me that was vulnerable and much softer.

I've always believed that everything happens when it's supposed to happen, and that everything happens for a reason. The last 10 years were meant to be my soul-searching, "figure things out" years. Not that anyone ever stops soul-searching, or growing, or learning about themselves - but as I enter my thirties I feel the determination I felt in my teenage years, but with the certainty and confidence of a woman who has taken the time to actually get to know herself. I feel like everything's come full circle in a way . . .

I am grateful for everything I've experienced throughout my twenties. It's made me who I am, and while I know I'm not perfect, I think I'm trying to be the best I can be. As long as I continue doing that, I have faith that my thirties are going to be . . .


TRULY AWESOME

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Day 197 - I'm back!

Yeah, so apparently a one week break from technology is good enough for me. I actually really missed blogging (and email, and facebook, and the internet in general) so decided a one week "fast" was plenty.

It was kind of nice and definitely frees up more time to do other things. I've done a lot of writing in the past little while and am definitely on a roll creatively. I did take a break the other day from writing and recording my own stuff though and did a cover to post on my youtube channel. It had been a long time since I posted my last cover, and I discovered this amazing song called "Cut" by a Christian artist who goes by the name of Plumb that was so moving and haunting I had to do a cover.

I first heard it on the show "The Vampire Diaries" (great and highly addictive show btw) and looked it up as I couldn't forget it. At first it was the music and the melody that got my attention, but when I listened to it again and really listened to the lyrics I was really, deeply moved by it. It's about a really, really serious issue (cutting) and it reminded me of a girl I knew of in middle school who used to cut herself 'cause she said it was the only way she knew how to deal with things. I was too young at the time to understand it and I've wondered since what happened to her. I know that self-mutilation (especially among teenage girls) is sadly on the rise, and it breaks my heart to think that there are young girls out there who are so broken that the only way they can really feel is to feel through pain they inflict on themselves.

Anyway, I did this cover as I hope more people become more aware of this issue and people start talking about it more instead of it continuing to be one of the "taboo" subjects people don't like to bring up.

Read the lyrics, and check out Plumb's songs when you have a minute - great music from a great artist who isn't afraid to sing about the tough stuff:






I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut

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Day 190 - Update

I've decided to take a bit of a sabbatical from technology for awhile. I just feel like there's been a lot of "noise" in my life recently and I want to take some time before my birthday at the end of the month to kind of quiet things down a little bit. I'm going to take the time I would have used blogging, on facebook, on email, and on the internet in general and put it towards my songwriting and just writing and reflecting in general.

I may start blogging again before Chris and I head to Mexico at the beginning of April, but I may wait until we come back before I start up again. I'll have some new music to post by then, so hopefully the wait will be worth it.

Hope everyone has a great couple of weeks!

:) Suz

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Day 189 - and the poetry just keeps on comin' . . .

it stops me

the memory of your gaze

it cuts deep

the truth of not coming back


how could I have known
what should I have done


it shouts back

a constant noise that plagues me

it pulls at

the darkest void within me


how could I have known
what should I have done


you reach out

to put your hand on my heart

you cry too

your tears are ice on my hand


how could I have known


I know
I've always known

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Day 187 - more poetry

a haunted night
sky blue, black

a silhouette
against the moon


on barren ground
trees stand tall

as I look out on the dark


the music fades
curtains rise

an encore
once more perhaps


a second act
hearts stand still

as your eyes pierce through the dark


stars now gone
clouds come out

a perfect shade
pulled 'cross the hue


one bare-stripped soul
with nothing left

turns its back


now from the dark

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Day 182 - in the mood for random poetry

it's been awhile

seems like years

seems like yesterday


it's been hard

watching you go

wanting to stay


i've had dreams

what could have been

what hasn't come


i stare now

into the future

from the past


and see what is

once already was

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Day 175 - Oh Taylor

'kay, so I have a confession to make . . .

I am a Taylor Swift fan.

Like a huge Taylor Swift fan.

I love her music, I love her songwriting ability, I love her honesty, and I love that she's a good role model for girls young and old.

I know I'm almost 10 years older than her, but I would pay good money to see her perform live. I'll admit I'm hoping against hope that I can somehow snag tickets to one of her two concerts in Toronto in May.

Here's her new self-made video to the title track of her 2nd album "Fearless":

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Day 174 - Randoms!!

Random things that make me happy:

* sunny days

* not running out of icecubes

* my grey sweatpants from Roots

* the prospect of sleeping in

* chocolate chip muffins

* chocolate chip . . . anything

* okay . . . make that chocolate anything

* Disney movies

* Disney songs from Disney movies

* making lists

* crossing things off of lists

* people who are goofy and happy

* when Franklin falls asleep on the bed

* Harry Potter anything

* good books that I don't want to stop reading

* hearing people say "thank-you" to the bus driver

* untouched snow

* getting to name the fish in Chris' office

* hearing someone laugh a genuine, hearty laugh

* talking to my family on the phone

* when a great lyric to a song I'm writing just comes to me without me having to think about it

* vanilla scented candles

* bubble baths

* any behind the scenes music show on CMT

* my blue guitar

* practicing my guitar so much I now have calluses on my fingertips

* Thai Express for lunch

* beautiful sunsets

* hearing someone say something about something I already had an opinion on and then thinking about it from their point of view

* singing

* dancing

* giving / getting a high five

* giving / getting a hug

* Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns every day at 4pm on the Space Channel

* blogging


:) Suz

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