On growing up

I have lawn furniture.

I have lawn furniture . . .

This struck me in a very profound way yesterday morning.

I was in our backyard watering our hanging plants & contemplating the day ahead of me, when I noticed our patio set looked a little dusty and worse-for-wear. I decided to spray them down as well, and as I stood there washing off the table and chairs it struck me like a bolt of lightening.

Say it with me here folks . . . I have lawn furniture!!!!

You know who has lawn furniture? Grown-ups have lawn furniture! People who pay taxes, go to community meetings, and know how to pick the best fruit at the grocery store - these are people who have lawn furniture! Stop the press people, major news coming in - Suzanne Judge is a full-fledged GROWN-UP!

In all seriousness, I honestly don't know why it was my patio set in particular that led me to this most profound of insights, and not something that actually seems more "grown-up" (like my house, my car, my collection of rare antique books, or my line of credit). Maybe it was the thought that the lovely table, umbrella and chairs that adorn my backyard are not something a whipper-snapper "young person" would automatically think to go out and buy. Think about it - when you first get set "loose" into the world, with school behind you and the whole world as your oyster, the things you think and dream about spending your money on are probably a little bit more exciting than a chaise lounge. Only those of us who have crossed the line into full adulthood actually devote significant brain time to plotting out which new chair pads would go best with the existing table umbrella, and whether or not to add more patio stones to maximize space, or rip some out to put more grass seed in.

Whatever the reason - this time, in this circumstance, it really got to me. Not in a bad way, mind you - I like being out of the craziness of the teenage years, and the sense of unknown of my twenties. I think it was more the thought that I spent most of my childhood wishing I was older, just counting down the years until I could have my freedom, earn my own money (ha! if I only knew - youth really is wasted on the young isn't it), and make my own decisions. Suddenly you look up and you're actually there - a grown-up - and it's almost like a slap in the face, realizing that now you actually do have complete freedom to do whatever you want to do, but along with that comes the responsibility and actualization of earning your own money and deciding for yourself who you will be and what encompasses your life.

Outside of the law, no one can tell me what to do. Sounds kind of badass doesn't it? But it's not really, it's almost sad in a way. Yes I have a family and I do base most of my decisions on what would be best for my family, but at the core of being adult is this running theme that you. decide. for. yourself. People can give you all sorts of advice (and they do), but at the end of day it really is up to you and you alone to make decisions, and have those decisions go on to shape your life. I think perhaps a lot of "adults" who have major problems going on in their lives simply haven't "grown-up" yet - they keep waiting for someone to tell them what to do and where to go. They haven't realized yet that they are in control of their own lives.

I remember thinking when I was about 8 years old, that when I was grown-up and living on my own I would eat cookies all day long and paint sky murals on all the walls and ceilings. I certainly could now that I am a grown-up - no one could really stop me from sitting down with a package full of cookies or from cracking open some paint cans. But while I do still love me some cookies (especially chocolate chip), the thought now of eating cookies all day long kinda' makes me sick to my stomach, and I now prefer a more neutral colour-palette on my walls (and ceilings).

I hope to have many years left in my adult life, and I do realize that ten, twenty, thirty or forty years from now I'll probably look back and realize that I really didn't know anything at all at the ripe 'ole age of 31. I hope to be someone who continually evolves and grows into the person she knows she can be. And I hope and pray that as I continue to delve into this world of being a grown-up, I remember that the power to decide for yourself is in fact a great responsibility, not just to yourself but to everyone around you. Because we all have an impact on everything else, and deciding for yourself doesn't equal living for yourself. I think we could all agree that none of us were made to sit around and eat cookies all day long.


P.S. If my lawn furniture spawned this train of thought for me, can you imagine what it's going to be like if I ever have something that really encompasses grown-up responsibility? Like say . . . children?

Holy smokes . . .