Day 318 - Music, Africa, Possibilities, Realities . . .

Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off for a second. Seriously, sometimes I just want to tell my internal dialogue to "shut it" and let me get some rest. Even in my sleep it just keeps going at warp speed and 6 nights out of 7 I end up having crazy, crazy dreams that leave my waking up a) still tired and b) going "Whaaaat was that??!!"

Especially now, when I feel like all the different possibilities for my life, all the paths I could have taken, have finally converged on one point, and as much as I'm ready and willing to take that giant leap of faith forward, the reality of the situation makes things more complicated and turns everything into a waiting game. (And if you know me personally at all, you know that waiting and "patience" in general is not my forte).

There is also the unknown of how to merge my two biggest passions into one and make them symbiotic of each other. I have so much passion and such a love of Africa and the humanitarian work happening on that continent and some African countries in particular, and I know I'm being led there for a reason. I also have this crazy love/hate relationship with music and songwriting though, and have for the past few months been getting some awesome comments, messages and emails from people who are so incredibly supportive of my singing and my songwriting, and have been really strongly encouraging me to continue and come out with new stuff. But, how to merge these two things and do both, I'm not sure. I tend to have a "singular-focus" kind of personality - if I just focus on one thing I tend to accomplish the goals I've set out for myself. If I try to do too many different kinds of things, it all kind of falls apart. Now that it's clear I have these two passions, figuring out how to do both tends to occupy a lot of my brain power during the day. I know many would say to just "do it" - do both, see what happens, and if it's meant to be it will be. Which would be awesome, if my brain would just chillax for a minute. I need to stop worrying about it and just be.

LOL - I just had a realization that I guess this isn't a good indication of what I'll be like when I have kids. Everything else will just fall by the wayside 'cause I'll be all about my kids. Geez - how do mothers do it? How do they have babies and still work and still lead balanced lives? I'm freakin' out 'cause I can't figure out how to merge two career paths into one, yet my friends are balancing motherhood, jobs, husbands, friends, and hobbies. Haha, see brain? You need to chill 'cause you ain't see nothin' yet - just wait 'till a baby comes along!

Oh boy . . .