If you knew what I knew
you would know how I have cried
If you knew what I knew
you would know I did not try
If you stood in my shoes
you would know how hard I fall
If you felt what I feel
you would know I feel it all
If you cared how I cared
you would know I care too much
If you thought how I thought
you would know I messed it up
If you knew what I knew
you would know what I foretell
If you knew what I knew
we would know each other well
He sits
Feet in water, eyes on sky
Watching
Waiting
He feels
Deep inside, something pounding
Fighting
Wrenching
He knows
In his heart, in his head
What he fears
It is coming
He stands
Turns around, feet are walking
It is time
He is the Watchman
I just waged war on what has got to be the biggest, scariest looking spider I have ever seen. I was about to walk out my front door to take Frankers for a little stroll when it repelled from the top of the outside door frame - inches away from my face!! This thing was massive - I'm not exaggeratting when I say that it's body was about an inch long, and with it's long spindly legs, it was easily at least 3 and 1/2 inches big. I let out a yelp (much to Franklin's amusement), promptly slammed the door shut, and then spent about 2 or 3 minutes spewing forth words that would have shocked anyone within a 100-metre radius and had young children covering their ears and crying for their moms.
I hatched a plan though - yes siree Bob, I would harness my fury about all things creepy and crawly and take this sucker down!! I grabbed my can of raid, carefully opened the door ever so slightly, stategically placed the nozzle of the can so it was right on target with my prey . . . and unleashed hell.
I must have used about half the can on this unsightly, nightmarish beast, but as I closed the door and peeked through the window to ensure it's demise I was shocked to see that it was still alive. It was trying to make it's way to safe hiding, but I was past the point of no return, and in good conscience could not let this creature endure a long and painful death. I came back for a second round of raid, and yet this pinnacle of horror would not die! It was not until my fourth round of spraying that it finally seemed to meet its fate. I'm still not sure though, as it refuses to drop to the ground - it remains curled up in a ball hanging from it's web. Yes it looks dead, but I think it may be a clever little devil and is simply putting on an act - waiting for me to let down my defenses before it appears again.
But don't be fooled Mr.Spider. I will not forget, and I will not fail. I will guard my home like a castle, and entry into my little sanctuary you will not get. I will stand guard, for as long as it takes, to ensure that you and all your spider friends do not get access to my home. You may have the power of fear and intimidation on your side, but I have a steely determination, and I will not fail. I am ready for battle - with my friend Mr.Raid standing by my side.
I have a serious problem. It's something I can't control, something that often gets out of hand.
I talk too much.
Well actually, it's not really that I talk too much, it's more that I don't have a filter when I'm talking and usually am way too forthcoming about myself, my life, and my inner most fears and desires.
I often find myself thinking "too much information Suzanne" when I'm talking to someone, but for some reason just can't stop sharing info that most people really don't need to know. I know that it's probably considered a good thing to be open and honest with people and not be "fake", but sometimes it's good to keep some things back and private. I just kind of let everyone know everything and it really leaves nothing to mystery.
Believe me, I've tried. I've tried to respond to a simple question like "how was your night off?" with a simple answer, like "oh it was great - we went for a dinner and movie!" But it doesn't work - what spills out of my mouth would be something more like a 10 minute answer with details that people just don't need to know. I seriously have no control - I was talking to some co-workers the other day and the whole time I'm thinking "put a sock in it girl!", but nope - just couldn't do it.
I guess I shouldn't worry about it until someone else tells me to put a sock in it (which they haven't up to this point). We are who we are for a reason, and it's probably the reason why I've been told I'm very "approachable", but still - it would kind of be nice to be the "mysterious woman" every once in awhile.
I win for most horrible moment of the day. A co-worker (a lady probably in her early fifties) came up to me at work today, put her hand on my stomach and asked me how I was doing with a "knowing" smile on her face.
WTF!! I'm not pregnant thank-you very much, I just had a little post-lunch bloating!! And yes, I know I've put on some extra poundage lately, but give me a break! Doesn't everyone know by now that one thing you never do, is assume someone is pregnant??!!
Horrifying, absolutely horrifying. In all honesty, I know I haven't been taking the best care of myself and have been meaning to get back in shape. But while I have needed a kick in the pants to get started, I would have preferred it to be a nice little tap instead of the "are you pregnant" (i.e. "cause your stomach is huge") foot in the arse.
Here's my new cover I just posted on youtube - I actually recorded it awhile ago, but just posted it today. It's a really meaningful song by Maria Mena called "All this time".
A few things I am currently obsessed with:
* All things Harry Potter - I went to see "Half-Blood Prince" a few weeks ago, and ever since then my love of the Harry Potter franchise has resurfaced in a big way. I've re-watched all the movies and am currently re-reading all the books. I've also become slightly obsessed with watching clips on youtube of the filming of "Deathly Hallows" - how am I going to wait until next summer for that one to come out!!
* All things Lord of the Rings - while I am a fan of the books, the films of LOR are what I'm really obsessed with. The extended edition DVD's of the films are awesome - hours and hours of special features and behind-the-scenes stuff. I actually just found out that in 2006 New Line released "Limited Edition" DVD's of all three films that have more extended scenes and a never-before-released movie documentary about the making of the films. How I didn't know this in 2006 I have no idea but I have promptly ordered copies of all three from amazon and anxiously await their arrival.
* Almonds - I have just recently discovered the joy of snacking on almonds - a tasty & healthy treat, and a handful will fill you up!
* Nature Valley Granola Bars - (roasted almond is my current favourite - no surprise there)
* Sleeping in - I have been quite lazy this summer and have slept in pretty much every day I could
* Dr.Pepper - soooo bad for you (and full of caffeine, which I normally try to avoid), but sooooo good. Why do bad things always taste the best?
* Our netbook - the best thing ever - pretty much has everything a laptop could offer, yet is so cute and light and small (and cheap)!!
* Our Rogers Internet stick - never mind the above - this is actually the best thing ever - we now have internet access pretty much everywhere we go. I can bring the netbook with me on vacation, bring the Internet stick, and bam!! Connected to the rest of the world in a heartbeat.
* Not wearing any make-up. Sometimes I wear it, sometimes I don't (normally to work I'll wear enough to make me look polished and put together). Lately though, when I'm home I won't wear a stitch of make-up. I like not having to stand there for 10 minutes putting it on - plus in the summer it just feels gross having something on your face.
* Kings of Leon - I just discovered them (I know - where have I been?) I must have listened to "Use Somebody" about 500 times in the last 2 weeks.
* My khaki pants from Old Navy - bought them a few months ago and wear them all the time
* tank tops
* my Havaianas flip flops
* chocolate fudge popsicles from Skinny Cow!
* I'm married to a man who is also my best friend and who thinks I'm cute and funny all the time (even if I'm not)
* I live in a house in the city that doesn't feel like a house in the city. I just came back in from walking the dog and it was completely quiet and there wasn't a soul in sight. The sound of my feet walking back up our gravel driveway made me feel as if I was walking up to a cottage in the woods or something.
* Because I'm a "nice girl", I can occasionally yell, act out, or tell someone to "F-off", and for the most part, no one will hold it against me
* I have a lot of acquaintances, but only a handful of really good friends. We've all known each other for ages, so even if we haven't seen each other in awhile, we're able to get into the rhythm of things quickly and there's never any bs or pretending to be someone we're not
* I have a job where sometimes I don't have to go to work 'till late in the afternoon, which means I get to sleep in!!
* my dog, Franklin (aka Mr.Frank, Frankers, Frankerdoodle)
* I've gotten the chance to do some pretty cool things and travel to some cool places
* 99.9% of the time, I can get along or have a decent conversation with anyone
* Even in my darkest of times, one of my strongest beliefs (that everything happens for a reason) keeps me moving forward
* I can see, hear, smell, talk
* I can sing, and not to toot my own horn, but I can sing pretty damn well
* Songwriting is ridiculously easy for me
* I have always been provided for - meaning I do not lack in anything. I have always had shelter, food, clothing, love, room to explore faith and spirituality freely
* My imagination has not diminshed at all as I've grown up. I have the imagination of an 8-year old (and use it all the time)
* I always have hope, and deep down know that everything can always improve and get even better
* I can have ice cubes in my drinks whenever I want (I didn't realize my true love of ice cubes until I went to Uganda . . . Ice cubes don't exist in Uganda).
* My family pushes me to do better and to always keep growing (they may not realize this but it's true)
* as I have gotten older, I have lost the need to hide my true level of goofiness. At home, at work, wherever - the goofiness is out in full effect
* I have more books in my house than I know what to do with
* I live in a world where anything is possible
* I have really vivid dreams
* My mom was a prenatal nurse and lactation consultant (this will come in really handy when I have a baby)!
* I can go on the Internet and find out pretty much anything in the matter of a few seconds
* I can stay up until almost 2 in the morning blogging about it!
Much better day today:
- Only had 1 crazy customer at work (an older man who spent a good long while telling me how we'll all soon be micro-chipped, it'll be the mark of the devil, and how Barack Obama is trying to get one world-wide currency started). I spent the entire 10 minutes trying to figure out how I could gracefully exit the "conversation".
- Went to bed super-early last night (in bed at 8pm! Read and watched a movie, asleep by 10pm). Woke up at 3am thinking it was time to get ready for work. Started to get out of bed, realized I had another 2 and 1/2 hours to sleep - and back to bed for me . . . awesome.
- Had some of Chris' family over for dinner tonight, including an aunt and uncle I hadn't met yet. They were really nice and engaging and we all had some great food and fun conversation.
- Chris and I had a race across the parking lot from our front door to the church, me running and him in the van. I had my flip flops on and I still won.
- Chris got me a kit-kat bar. Said kit-kat bar is not just your garden variety kind, but the "King-Size" version. 'Nuff said.
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